The Curse of the Gifted

My son started counting before he was 2 years old. I didn't think there was anything unusual in his behavior until another Mom commented in gymnastics class, "Oh my god! He's counting?!"

Stevie was picking up push-up bars from one side of a balance beam and walking them over to the other murmuring, "One. Two. Three."

It wasn't until 3 years later sitting in a Kindergarten orientation that I found out most 5 and 6 years know numbers, some up to 10, but cannot place the numbers in order.

Warning Will Robinson! But I didn't listen...a few months later I was confronted by a pissed off teacher who shoved a piece of paper at me saying, "Stevie will not transition when asked!"

I looked at the paper and said, "He's writing kanji! That's incredible. Must be from the judo book he's reading..."

She crossed her arms and scowled, "It was time to clean-up for circle."

(Yes, he's also an early reader.)

I was really looking forward to 1st grade, thinking Stevie would finally get the stimulation and challenge he craved. That, was a mistake.

The classroom was beautiful. There was a loft. Bookshelves packed with books. Couches. Stations for making stuff. One morning, Stevie walked up to a table filled with art balls and pipe cleaners. He was in the middle of making an elaborate spaceship when the teacher swooped down and said, "No, no! Those are for making bears," then turned a smug smile at me as my son walked away.

She beat the math out of him. By the time the school year was over, my gifted son was convinced he "wasn't any good at math". He became obsessed with death. Ironically, that woman is now an "Educational Consultant" :/

He started taking private music lessons with a wonderful teacher in 2nd grade. I would pick him up from school all nasty and angry. 30 minutes with Sludge, and Stevie was bouncing out the door filled with an all-body joy. We started going twice a week.

I came to realize that whereas nursery school is about learning to transition and sitting still, Elementary and Middle School is about following directions - including HOW to solve the problem, regardless of whether or not the student provides the correct answer. It wasn't until 9th grade that Stevie's "independent learning style" would be accepted.

A gifted mathematician feels the answer. They don't know how; it just happens. Being forced to "show your work" in detail as a young child is unbearably frustrating. He can do it now, but he's also 15 years old, and taking calculus and physics.

It took 4 years to re-build Stevie's self-confidence. My husband and I spent countless hours with teachers and administration.

At the beginning of each school year, I could set my watch by how long it took for Doug to fire off The Mathematician's Lament, an essay by Paul Lockhart. I don't know when it was written. Our oldest son found it...he too is a gifted mathematician like his father, his little brother, and my father. May this give you peace, and the words to do battle for your gifted children.

https://www.maa.org/external_archive/devlin/LockhartsLament.pdf