Part and Parcel

One of the truly gut-wrenching set-backs that we experienced while making the BSidesSF badge was due to a package not being delivered.

No, this isn't another story about China parcels being held hostage in customs, or a bad weather act of God. This is a story about 10 years of war with Ron the UPS Driver.

We were on a tight timetable with one month to go until the con. Duclass was calculating estimated time to complete for three separate dev epics on a daily basis: software, case manufacturing, and board assembly. The final PCBs were ordered from Advanced Circuits on January 13th specifically because they agreed to a rush delivery on Friday January 20th; we needed the weekend for assembly.

Ron the UPS Driver showed up as expected Friday morning - and demanded a check for $1,746. The package was marked COD. When we tried to explain the order had been paid in full, he walked away taking our precious boards with him, and a box of batteries, saying the packages would be marked for delivery next business day.

Monday. No weekend assembly.

It was a really bad scene. IF I had answered the door, and we weren't emotionally trashed from months of sleep deprivation, I coulda woulda just written a check and dealt with either reimbursement or cancelling it later. But duclass answered the door and everything about Ron the Driver's dismissive controlling manner pushed his buttons.

So. There were conversations. Some louder than others. Advanced Circuits did everything they could, but UPS would not budge. The only way we could get the package was to provide a check.

I called the distribution center and they said they would redeliver that day. But they didn't. And they didn't the next day either.

Ironically, after 5 years of telling duclass about what an asshole Ron the Driver was, there was no satisfaction in getting validated. This is the jerk, who parked his truck in our private driveway easement, completely blocking our garage door - then went to lunch! I caught him a block away and told him he had to move it, and he got pissed because "that's the only shade on the street". Private property be damned.

Monday. I had two checks written and ready for UPS: the international shipping fee for the batteries and the PCBs. Fuck me it happened AGAIN; Ron the Asshole showed up right when I was in the shower so duclass answered the door. Ron had only one package, the PCBs, and no idea what happened to the batteries. Bad scene, but at least we could start assembly.

I called the distribution center about the missing package. Fortunately, one of the warehouse sorters stumbled into it on the floor and scanned it, so at least it wasn't lost. I drove down and picked it up.

The PCBs were the last package Ron delivered to our home. That day, January 20th, he started marking all packages "customer requests pick-up" without my authorization. At first, I called the distribution center thinking, "Oh, they must not know or support what he's doing because they must be concerned about doing their job." The same two people kept answering the phone, politely listened to my problem, said all the right things - and did not deliver the packages.

Skip to a month after the conference. Ron was still marking packages for pick-up. So I started calling UPS customer service. Then I started calling the vendors. The Customer Support reps were always shocked. They would file a report with UPS, and we'd get delivery - but never from Ron, and the problem persisted.

I asked if I could select the carrier. We get deliveries from FedEx, USPS, OnTrac, and AMZL without issue. But that is not an option with the companies that I order from. They optimize profit by selecting cheapest delivery for that from/to destination.

I started returning packages that were held for pick-up, thinking that would get someone's attention. But no such luck.

At one point, Amazon connected me directly to a special unit at UPS that is dedicated to resolving Driver Problems. It operates outside the standard UPS customer support line. She told me there are a lot of problems because the drivers are union, and "escalated" the report to the regional level. When that package was delivered, I thought we were finally done with the bullshit. Then I got a call from the driver manager at the local distribution center who was "researching" my problem report - then said I was the problem.

Ron continued to mark packages for pick-up without my authorization. But of course...

One night, duclass and I were having a beer, and he said, "You know, this has been going on for a long time. Not just since January. Or the driveway incident". Duclass started marked all deliveries to the office, and encouraged me to do so too.

But I got to thinking, and I got pissed. Really pissed.

I knew a few things. Calling the vendors for help always worked, but it was a one time shot. Calling the distribution center did buttkiss. Calling UPS customer support did less than buttkiss. I needed more data.

Instead of ordering and going on my merry, I started checking for the carrier, and if UPS, followed the tracking status online: https://www.ups.com/WebTracking/track?loc=en_us

I could see every scan, including timestamp when it went on the truck, and when that fucker marked it for pickup. I watched for when UPS was on the street. The status was always changed about an hour after the truck left.

I called the manager at the distribution center. He said there was more than one driver on our dead-end street, didn't know where the package was and - this was wild - had no way to reach the driver while on route. Cover-up confirmed. No need to bother with them again.

I called the UPS 800 number. They said it was a mistake, and would be happy to follow up with the distribution center to help locate my package. "But," I said. "The distribution center IS the problem." That's when I discovered you have to specifically request the problem be escalated to regional, but it's still only good for that delivery. 

I had an established pattern, but needed to force Ron's hand. I did a little OSINT to confirm the status scans fed into a fairly elaborate delivery system. Then checked the meaning of the codes and all the labels on my packages. Also read up on the teamsters union and the specific local riders for UPS drivers in my area.

Another package, same old shit. But this time, I hit twitter, e-mailed customer.service@ups.com, called the 800 number, and e-mailed and called Amazon - who filed a complaint with UPS. Logic being written complaints are more likely to be added to a log and garner attention. I told all parties that marking packages for pick-up without my authorization is essentially theft since I had already paid for the goods, and that I was being subjected to harassment.

Apparently that brought some kind of corporate heat because the next package: Ron and company actually deleted scan history from the delivery and changed the status from "by 8pm" to "delayed due to operating conditions". Like, WTF?!

That was great - but unfortunately I didn't have screensnaps to prove the deleted history. Another round of calls an emails, and this time I had a complete record when the following Monday they did it AGAIN, and marked the package as "receiving business was closed."

End Game. Now it was about the data that UPS depends on. Another round of customer support calls and emails, and for the first time in three months: I have no problems with UPS deliveries. It's been two weeks.